My Place

T'was in a city where I was born, but there I never found a home.
My heart had known before my past, that in a city I would not last.
Could it be these feet of mine, would find the sand the place they'd pine?
Alas the beach was not the place, for that my forlorn heart would race.
Canopy of trees, shines filtered sun, a breathe of honeysuckle where I run,
T'was a hoosier I'm meant to be, with clay soil beneath my feet.
Just one acre, my little woods. But this place does suit me good.
And here I'll be a hoosier best, and live my life til time to rest.

Rebecca



Monday, February 23, 2015

Wow, it's been a year?

I have missed blogging terribly. I have a new lap top! Yeah! I plan to be more faithful to writing in general. I have a few book ideas I am working on. I also wanted to get back here and give an update.

I have given up the rabbits. When big guy had his struggles, I knew I couldn't keep up with the tremendous amount of care the angora's required. I miss them. But I know it was the right thing to do for them and for us as a family.

Our children are doing well. My oldest, Sarah and I have been quilting. It is fun sharing ideas, patterns and dreams together. I love connections like this. My oldest son Stephen is becoming a wonderful  music artist. You should check out some of  his you tube videos. He is under Stephen Gould... he is the skinny dude. Then big guy that had the struggles last year...well really in August of 2013, is doing much much better. Our youngest Bam bam is growing in so many ways.

We have a new dog named Princess. Gigi is not particularly fond of this large puppy and her antics. Princess is an Australian shepherd/blue heeler mix. My first go round with a herding breed and it's been a trip. But she isn't nipping me nearly as much. We love her dearly.

I have been crafting up a storm. Loving every minute I can do my crafts. There never is enough time for it.

That catches you up in a vague sort of way. More to come though. Things will be clearer soon. I'm looking forward to keeping in touch.
 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Why I haven't posted. But will try for 2014

It was the worst of times....

Life sometimes grabs you hard and tosses you like... like a water-droplet at the crest of a wave. Then sinks you to the bottom of the deep.

I never cried so hard. I have shed many tears in my life... my mothers death. She was 32, I was 8 and I cried...hard. My brothers accident that happened when he was 19, left him paralyzed with brain damage. I cried hard. When I was diagnosed with a brain tumor at age 20, married with a 1 year old... I cried hard. Then when my brother was 29, he died... God I felt so empty. I cried hard. When my sister died at age 42....I felt it was about all the sadness I could take.  I cried hard. When we lost our baby.... I cried and cried and cried...still do at times.

But this year around August, I never felt such a place of confusion... utter heart ache and helplessness at such a depth as this. I really don't know exactly how it happened, what brought us to this place. Many things I guess. I think it all came to a climax for one reason, my husband feels another. I don't think we will ever know what really caused it to happen.
Our son at 8 years old, we admitted to a mental health hospital. With many tears... and such agony. We were advised by our pediatrician and the counselor we had been seeing it was the best thing to do for his safety. He said that's what he wanted. Now though, I find out how very much that wasn't what he really wanted. He stayed for 5 days. Came home, and became so emotionally distraught we took him back for another 5 days. Then during a counseling session he became emotionally distraught . They wanted us to take him back, but this time possibly for a 6 month stay. My heart was being ripped out of my chest. I didn't even know what to do... how to get out of this black whole of pain for him or myself.... God help us it was so awful.
I called my husband, and had him get there quick. He came and we took our son home. Not knowing how we were going to manage our struggles. Blaming each other, blaming our selves, blaming the counselor, blaming the drugs his birth mother used that damaged his body... Angry, terribly afraid and at a total loss... but even more falling on our face before God begging for help. I called other parents that adopted with similar situations, I called behavior specialists, I called therapist crying and begging to be seen quickly... I researched for hours after hours after hour. I poured over nutritional documents. I read books. I stayed up for hours reading, praying crying and just trying to hold on. I attended a seminar. I bought supplements. I changed his diet...my diet. I joined support groups. I cried more.... I prayed more  and like little drops of rain... answers came. Change in medicines helped some. The new counselor understood and began healing of the losses, anger and mixed up emotions he had. I learned a few things. Tried some things that didn't work. Found some things that did. Heard my Lord say.... let him feel your love.... make sure he feels love from you. I try to hold him...touch him...say a kind word at a distance... listen, be there in the moment... let him express his pain.
Slowly healing is coming. But he carries a lot of hurt... and it will take time. Time for me to learn how to help him, time for him to trust and allow love in his life and heal, a rain drop of healing at a time.
At Christmas, I looked at him and just wanted to hold him so close and cry and rock him in my arms. But I have to be careful of my emotions, not over whelm him... I was just so happy to have all my children home. He wasn't in a mental health hospital. He was smiling. Even happy. Everything was not perfect, but he was home...
Things are better. But still rocky. I wonder... was it really always this rocky for him and I just didn't see it... Or did some thing... trigger it all. I may never really know. So many questions. Some behaviors disappear and then news ones sprout up that throw me for a loop... and I try to figure it all out. Pray, cry, research, network....  I just want everything to be ok... and it's not. But ... I believe God is there when your broken hearted, confused... and can't see your way out. I know he is...because that is what I hold onto... When I feel my hands grip...slipping from his, God holds me and lets me cry it out, and I just wait...until I can stand again. I know it will not go away... But I can walk this with my savior, and our son will never be alone.
God cares... I know he does. He met me in my deepest darkest hour...I know he cares.
Sometimes the living becomes so intense, there is no energy for anything else, but living that moment and you just survive. That's why I haven't posted on this blog. Also why I pray...I will be able to post more in 2014. 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

April for me is...

Take the dog to the vet month. We schedule it this way because we get all the vaccines up to date for 4H. Now we are all set for dog obedience training and agility. :) Gigi is being quiet though for the evening.
My pocket book is a tad bit lighter. I didn't make it out of there without spending $195 dollars!!!! That did include heart worm/flea/parasite pills for the next 6 months though. Pokey will go next month. I just can't afford both at the same time. Though...they are the same weight so parasite meds will be shared.
I am glad though to have that taken care of. Especially glad for protection from kennel cough. Spring also brings with it fleas...so we have that stopped before it has a chance to get started.
Hope your spring begins well too!


Monday, March 25, 2013

Welcoming Our New Angora Doe

Introducing you to Calla Lili our new english angora doe born 12/12/2012. So glad that Jody from Something's Jumpin Rabbits, passed her our way!




Wednesday, March 13, 2013

More beauty

If you have ever lived away from home, with longing in your heart to go back...you will understand how I feel.
I think of the Israelites held in captivity. Though... I know I am not in any close relation to their suffering. But...I understand feeling like your in a foreign land. Where we live right now, is the projects. Prostitutes openly making their offerings, drug dealers talking openly on the street of their complaints because they are just the middle man and not making as much money as the big dealers.... yes even druggies have job related complaints! lol Oh the way children are talked to by the parents...or parents boy friend, then the way the children talk and behave... It's a whole different world here, than our peaceful acre in Jeffersonville.
It reminds me of the scripture
 Ezekiel 1:1-3

By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.
We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.
For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
How shall we sing the LORD'S song in a strange land?









Saturday, March 9, 2013

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Beauty in the dark days of life

We can't always stop the gloom, grind, and grundge of life. I think that is why crafting is so important to me. I believe everyone should have a way to bring joy into their life, during the dark days. They come, for some way to often.  I can always bring a little pleasure into  a very dark day, by  twisting a few tufts of wool, using a hook or 2 hooks, caring for an angora, sharing a craft with someone... If I lack the energy for even that, I can browse patterns until inspiration hits again.
To take crafting a step further, I pray for the person I am making something for. To me, it becomes a ministry.
How about yours? If your facing some darkness, God has given you an ability to create some beauty in it, some joy. It could be sports, music, wood working, when ever I find something interesting... I go for it. This is where I find my little bit of joy, my ministry.
Here is some of the beauty in my world...









And if life gets real tough....
Just get plumb wild with it!





Saturday, February 23, 2013

The New to me Wheel

I thought you might like to see the wheel hubby purchased at the flea market. Lots of pics for you, as I cleaned her up, and blinged her up. I came up with this idea for blinging because I didn't want to make permanent changes to the actual wheel. All the bling comes off very simply. I can change and decorate for the holidays with different bling if I so choose. I did try doing this to my traditional on the spokes of the wheel. That didn't work out to well, because no matter how tight you get the wires they will still move a little. I was afraid of damage to the wood, besides the noise of them moving being highly irritating to me. So, if you are thinking of doing the same to your wheel keep that in mind. I suppose you could glue them in place, but then again I wanted to do this to be able to change the bling when ever I felt, or with the holidays.

I named her "Hazel" after a friends mother. I never met the real Hazel but felt as if I had known her from all the wonderful stories that Linda (Nelsa) on ravelry shared with me. Her mother had a love for crafts, and kept every little tid bit  of a craft item and counting things precious. The saying, making lemons out of lemonade...well...I think that describes her ability to take the mundane things of life, and create an oasis. May my wheel "Hazel" live up to her name.


Here she is after cleaning with mineral spirits. She was pretty dirty. She needed the piece for the footman to connect to the treadel. She also is double drive, and only one of the bobbins that came with her are double drive. The ones on the lazy kate section are single drive. The peg in her I borrowed from my Traditional to try her out for the scotch tension, that has since been placed back on the traditional. She didn't come with one, so I need to order that, or make one. She had some white paint scratch marks on her, I imagine from bumping into walls. I sanded those out. She also has a screw missing on the front of the board that is the treadel that holds it to the frame. Hubby thinks it was stripped, so will need to fill that whole and screw another in nearby to make it fully secure. 



This is after being waxed and rubbed down. I can tell I need to rub that wax in a little bit better on the wheel part. Then I blinged her up. Close ups to follow. 


The wire is a smoky kind of deep purple, with purple pink beads attached. I did not glue the beads on the wire, in case I want to change beads later and reuse the wire. I found that I had to be careful to not use to big of  beads and keep it simple. Just a few beads looked way better than the first designs I came up with. 


I love the little heart at the top made out of the wire, with the little natural "knot" in the wood peaking through the center loop of the heart. My favorite beads of mine are the pink heart ones. So fitting I should find a prominent place to dispaly them. I was also able to repeat the same beading on the opposite side of the wheel. The the footman does cross over it in spinning, so not nearly as beautiful. I did not decorate the footman. I was afraid of it weighting it, or moving so much  the wire might rub and cause scratches on it.



OK the last pic. Doesn't she just glisten?! I was amazed at how she has cleaned up. I wish I would have taken a picture before I even started. She needed everything oiled and she really soaked it up. Then she spun without so much as a tiny squeak. Smooth as silk. It was a risk buying her, because a person just never knows if  all the little kinks can be worked out. But we are very blessed that she has turned out to be such a beauty of a wheel. 


Friday, February 22, 2013

I never thought this day would come

This wheel is now sold.
I planned to keep my traditional spinning wheel, forever...well at least until my daughter inherited it. But then, hubby purchased at a flea market an Ashford traveller. But...he bought it to resell. He wouldn't bring it in the house! He knows how I am. He has seen my yarn stash grow, then I started scrapbooking and he saw that stash grow. Then I started spinning and he saw that stash grow. Then I wanted to make stitch markers and that stash grew. He does not understand stashes. He doesn't want to either. So...he wouldn't let me begin a wheel stash. Sigh... I should have started stashing with wheels first. Now I know...

But money has been tight, and I said...just bring the traveller in. I will clean it up for you. It needed a few minor things, like the piece for the footman, and oil, and a good clean up. I told him it would sell quickly, no worries. But as I cleaned I started to admire it more and more. I tried it out, to make sure all was in working order. As I rubbed that wax into it's thirsty wood, I said to him...you know I really admire this wheel. It sure is pretty. I do hope some one gets it that will really enjoy and appreciate it. The more I rubbed the worse I got. Til I found myself, wishing I had not fixed it up for him to resell. Thinking I should have let him just sell it as is, but...I knew the person buying it would appreciate my efforts. Back to rubbing...then hubby peaks around the corner and he recognizes that look in my eye... He softly and sweetly says, iiiiiiiiffff you would like to keep this wheel, that is fine. My heart started beating faster and then I heard him continue to talk...oh why must he continue to talk? It was wonderful to just leave it right there, but noooo he had to say more. This is where the word "But" comes in...not a good word most of the time. 
He says, but you will need to sell the ashford traditional. 
Sigh....I do understand. No more room for more stashes and we need the money. That's why I started cleaning this wheel. So I did some research, wondered if I could ever live with out my ashford traditional, debated which wheel to keep, stayed awake til 3AM deciding...
Mainly due to wanting to take a wheel with me to places, I decided to keep the traveller. So I am parting with my traditional. I hope I do not regret it later. So....if your interested in a wonderful wheel and will lovingly cherish her I have one for sale. The day I thought would never come, is here. I am selling my ashford traditional wheel. I then rubbed her down,oiled her up, gave her a new leather piece for the footman, tied a new orifice hook to her upright,  new springs for the scotch tension and posted her on Craigslist. It's funny that I had become so attached to her. I know it is just wood...but it's different with wheels. 
If you think you would love having her to spin on, I am asking xxxxxxx and would prefer local pick up only at this time. Here are some pics of her. 3 bobbins total included and some merino wool to get you started.